beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and sometimes in the eye of the beholdee…

It is summer. Therefore, I shall halfheartedly apologize for the my delinquency to blog.

Things to note about the summer thus far:

  • I have eaten a lot of hamburgers and ice cream
  • I have already had a week & a half of vacation
  • I went to Regina (of all places) to get out of the city
  • I have eaten a lot of pizza and m&m’s (the pretzel kind, the raspberry kind, the coconut kind, the regular kind……etc.)
  • My two Aunties from Toronto are in visiting and we have gotten waterlogged in the pool and sun tanned. We are going for fish and chips tomorrow (which is really today because it’s already tomorrow, get me?)
  • I had 8 inches lopped of my locks after years of growing it. It was sad and liberating. And no one noticed…well, okay, a couple people have, but…when you get like a foot cut off your hair it’s kind of a big deal. Ah well…
  • I have probably gained 10 lbs. No lie. And also, to be expected due to all the eating.

I was at work today and in my wandering around I kept catching glimpses of myself in whatever mirror or reflective surface I came upon. Most of my friends would laugh and find this completely typical of me as I’m a tiny bit over concerned that one hair on my head has changed position. Now you see, as per my list above I have gained weight. Summer, bathing suits, poolside living….yeah, not the best time to be adding ten pounds more. I have been very critical of myself, experienced a lot of self loathing and continued to eat those damn m&m’s!!!

Today, when I walked past the mirror I was worried about what my newly shorn hair looked like in a tiny little pony-tail. I thought to myself: “you know what, I don’t look half bad. I actually look pretty”. You know how people always say that if you say one negative thing about yourself you should follow it by like ten good things about yourself? Or whatever it is “those people” say. It’s something like that anyways. I decided to just keep telling myself that I’m pretty until I start to believe it. I’m just so tired of hating myself and picking myself apart. I don’t want to compare myself to other girls because those girls hate things about themselves too. Everyone seems too, even the ones we think are perfect.

So ladies, (if there are a few out there reading this blog) do yourself a favour and tell yourself you’re pretty. Find something you appreciate about your looks and compliment yourself. Do it as many times as you want until you really start to believe it. And don’t be cocky about it. A cocky girl is pretty on the outside but needs some adjusting on the inside. I’m learning the lesson of confidence slowly but surely.

I’m pretty.

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just another manic monday

it’s monday. i hope today is not any indication of what this week is going to be like because so far, it’s been lacking in greatness. it was pretty gorgeous outside but i didn’t get to enjoy it due to being stuck inside at work all day and the part where i was miserable when i got home and holed up in my dwellings. minus five points for me.

i have decided that on mondays i will come up with some things i’d like to accomplish throughout the week. i don’t know why, i don’t remember who said this, but i always remember people saying that the older you get, the faster the years go by. well whoever noticed this about life couldn’t have been more correct. i feel like i barely blink and another week has sped by. the problem is, i don’t feel like i’m accomplishing everything i’d like to by the time sunday rolls around (yes, i know that sunday is techinically the start of the week, but i’m not aiming for technical here).

i love “to do” lists. i am immensely satisfied by being able put an “x” in a box. i’ve also been on a bit of a self-improvement kick, though i think i may be failing miserably thus far. i recently read the book “THE HAPPINESS PROJECT” by gretchen rubin. i’m sure many of you have at least seen this book at chapters or barnes & noble. if you’ve acknowledged it and walked on by,¬† i would encourage you to stop next time, and purchase it. it’s truly inspiring. what i really appreciated about it was that the author was not particularly unhappy with her life. she also wasn’t just sitting back expecting life to “make” her happy but instead she was actively seeking it out:

“So if you’re pretty happy, why do a happiness project?”

“I am happy— but not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more – and live up to it better.” I had a hard time explaining it. “I complain too much, I get annoyed more than I should. I should be more grateful. I think if I felt happier, I’d behave better.”

another excerpt:

“…..I had everything I could possibly want—yet I was failing to appreciate it. Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature, I too often failed to comprehend the splendor of what I had. I didn’t want to keep taking these days for granted. The words of the writer Colette had haunted me for years: “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” I didn’t want to look back, at the end of my life or after some great catastrophe, and think, “How happy I used to be then, if only I’d realized it.”

i’ve struggled with “happiness” for a long time. i sometimes feel quite saddened by amount of time i’ve spent not appreciating the greatness in my life. i, like gretchin rubin, feel like i spend too much time complaining and being annoyed rather than focusing on that which i have to be grateful for. and this is a big part of why i started this blog—because i felt that i needed to focus more of my energy towards the positive side of the fence.

for this week, i’d really like to accomplish:

  • getting some form of exercise every day (i’ve decided that 3o is the year to love my body rather than loathe it)
  • working towards making a decision re: education/career focus
  • planting my flowers on my porch and cleaning off my patio furniture (moms coming over wednesday to have dinner and do that with me!)

sheesh, that was a mouthful. thanks for reading ūüôā

a.