goosebumps. every. time. {devenire}

I have to get my hands on a piano AND a cello. Then I have to find the time to play both. I also need a house, because this tiny little place of mine won’t house either the instruments or the beautiful noise they create. I’m only almost 32. I have time, right?

 

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sunday night inspiration

A while back, in my blog perusing, I stumbled upon a video which introduced me to three things: peanut butter pie, Jose Gonzalez & Mikey. You can check out that blog HERE.

These three things lead me to this blog: In Jennie’s Kitchen, which I have since become a follower of.  Jennie lost her husband, Mikey to a heart attack almost a year ago and though she is a foodie blogger, this past many months have followed her journey of grief and moving forward. Sometimes I cry when I read her blog posts, but mostly I feel so inspired by the way she has chosen to move forwards with such bravery and grace. I certainly don’t want to discount (not assuming she’d ever read my blog) the pain she has felt. She certainly doesn’t make it sound all sunshine and rainbows, but I appreciate her brutal honesty and desire to hold onto her husband in a way that honors his life and yet still allows her to move forward.

Anyways, I was re-reading this blog from back in November of 2011 and I can’t help but find it very inspirational. De-cluttering, spending less time in the virtual/technical world and instead, appreciating and enjoying the little moments and making sure to focus on loving those close to you well. I’ve been recently been toying with the idea of deleting my facebook. This is a difficult decision for me because of the amount of friends I have that are in a vast array of other countries. But I literally feel gross when I realize that I just wasted two hours looking a pictures of FRIENDS friends –  people I don’t even know –  in the Dominican Republic. HOW DID I GET HERE? WHY AM I LOOKING AT THESE? What the?! Enough!

We’ll see how this all plays out, but summer is here, it’s been (for the most part) gorgeous outside. I don’t want to waste it sitting around on my computer. I want to breath deeply, love big and laugh a lot.

….and eat a lot of ice cream….

 

 

 

 

 

sara bareilles – breathe again

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn’t look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I’m not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I’m searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I’ll breathe again
I’ll breathe again

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart
And my burden to bear is a love I can’t carry anymore

All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I’m searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I’ll breathe again

It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?

All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I’m searching
All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I’m searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I’ll breathe again
I’ll breathe again

i never knew daylight could be so violent

You are the hole in my head You are the space in my bed You are the silence in between What I thought and what I said You are the nighttime fear You are the morning when it’s clear When it’s over, you’re the start You’re my head and you’re my heart
No light, no light In your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can’t choose what stays and what fades away And I’d do anything to make you stay No light, no light Tell me what you want me to say
To the crowd I was crying out and In your place there were a thousand other faces I was disappearing in plain sight Heaven help me, I need to make it right
You want a revelation You want to get “right” But it’s a conversation I just can’t have tonight You want a revelation Some kind of resolution You want a revelation
No light, no light In your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can’t choose what stays and what fades away [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/no-light-no-light-lyrics-florence-and-the-machine.html ] And I’d do anything to make you stay No light, no light Tell me what you want me to say
Would you leave me If I told you what I’d done? And would you leave me If I told you what I’d become? ‘Cause it’s so easy To say it to a crowd But it’s so hard, my love To say it to you out loud
No light, no light In your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can’t choose what stays and what fades away And I’d do anything to make you stay No light, no light Tell me what you want me to say
You want a revelation You want to get “right” But it’s a conversation I just can’t have tonight You want a revelation Some kind of resolution You want a revelation
You want a revelation You want to get “right” But it’s a conversation I just can’t have tonight You want a revelation Some kind of resolution Tell me what you want me to say

pondering on love

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Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it’s hard. But if it’s the right person, then it’s easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it’s not like that, then she’s not the one. I’m sorry.
~ Marshall Eriksen, How I Met Your Mother

….AND vice versa.

30 Days of Thankfulness: new day, new beginnings.

This past month has been a generally very happy month. A few hiccups, but who doesn’t experience those? I am just so thankful and reminded that every morning that I wake, I have the decision to be a better person. Every day is a new beginning. I really want 2012 to be a year of bettering myself and learning more about the truth: “life is a journey not a destination”. I really want to challenge myself to work harder, be more contemplative, slow to anger, more patient, and a lot more happy.

I went out with a couple friends last night, and my love. We ate, drank and were merry. Those are the moments in life I appreciate more than anything. I am entirely grateful for the people in my life. Friends and family alike. This morning I went for breakfast with a good friend and had an overly perky/strange server. I walked home in the snow. It was beautiful and peaceful.

I’ve been inspired by flowers lately. Specifically babies breath and wild flowers. More specifically, in mason jars. And even more specifically, for a wedding. I am not engaged yet, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t dream up ideas for a wedding. I like to think of it as being prepared, *wink*.

via pinterest

via tumblr

via 52 Flea blogspot

via familyfreshcooking.com

via pinterest

 

 

February is the month where we consider LOVE…

I was perusing Facebook when I noticed a post on my dear friend Allena’s wall that caught my attention and captured my heart. I’ve known Allena since 2006 (wait, WHAT!?!? 6 years already!?!? – sorry, I just realized this – crazy!) I walked with her for a tiny bit of her journey as she struggled to make sense of her attraction to women and her love of God. Because in a Christian world these two do not go hand in hand. I’m not saying that’s what I personally believe (I’m not taking a stand for or against being a gay Christian at the moment), it’s just a fact. Most of you who know me would (should/hopefully?) know that I am a Christian. Though I admit (with some sadness) that I have not had a lot to do with the Church in the past few years, I have not let go of my faith nor will I;  I will white knuckle it till my time here is over. I understand that this may seem a strange post for those of you not raised with Christian beliefs, but I encourage you to read on because that said, you’re probably waiting for this post to head straight downhill. Instead, I believe that this should remind us of what the God I believe in is all about.
The following is Allena’s post:
If you have ever asked me or wanted to ask me how my family has reacted to me being a lesbian, read this. Now. Right now. This is my Moms wisdom which can be applied to almost all relationships. We both decided to stay in the room and that made the difference for everything.

Staying in the Room
“A few years ago I watched an interview of a man who had been married for over 50 years. His wife lay dying in a hospital room and he sat faithfully by her side. A nurse who was struck by his commitment asked him for the secret of his long marriage and he answered, “We stayed in the room.” As John and I celebrated our 32 anniversary this last summer his answer resonates with me. We have weathered changes in jobs, horrible arguments, too little money, too much drink….really things to depressing to list. But our marriage is alive because we stayed in the room. Sometimes we were in opposite corners with arms crossed ignoring each other but we didn’t walk out the door. Relationships are about commitment and unconditional love and I know God has called us to be in a relationship with each other.
I am just as confident the He has called me into a relationship with my four daughters. My daughter Allena proposed to her girlfriend Dana a few days ago and John and I chose to stay in the room. Was is easy? No. Was it comfortable? No. But when as a parent do I get to remove my support? Is it if she has sex outside of marriage? If she drinks and drives? If she has a child out of marriage? Divorces? Lies? Smokes? Where is the sin line that is so strong that God says I am not allowed to engage in her life? This is not to diminish my responsibility to clearly define my beliefs and I am sure both Allena and Dana know where I stand.
Whatever discomfort you may feel about the subject of lesbianism I assure you I have lived through those emotions and wrestled with the ramifications for my daughter, her girlfriend and our family. And I have prayed the desperate prayers only a parent who loves her child can understand and each time God has been clear. Love her. I love her.
I am guilty of gossip, gluttony, murder, fornication, lying and so much more and how grateful I am for those who loved me unconditionally in the midst of it all. As a Christian I reject the idea that the goal of my faith is to make others change their lives by rejecting them or judging them into repentance. What drew me to Christ and His broken, dysfunctional family was His unconditional love and the efforts of His children to show me His love.
For me the church is not an exclusive clique in high school where only the beautiful and athletic get in, it is a place where I can safely and honestly work through my struggles. As His children we have the challenge of standing firm in our journey to be more like Christ in a broken world surrounded by broken people that He adores.
I don’t have easy answers but I also am no longer confused about my response to my daughters no matter what they choose. I am called to stay in the room.”