Happy (very belated) New Year! It’s been quite the hiatus on my part, but I’ve had a bit of a mind shift and perspective change. Both were much needed and I’m so thankful for the head/heart-space I’m in right now.
This past fall has not been easy for me and at some point I really wasn’t sure that I would ever be anything other than an emotional mess, relational screw-up and just plain miserable. I find myself wanting to say that I don’t know what has changed, but I know that those closest to me have been praying their little hearts out with my lovely parents leading the pack. I too have been praying that something would change; pleading with God to give me some small amount of grace to work with and I cannot attribute the peace I’ve felt as of late to anyone other than Him.
It’s always the dark times that force us to engage in much self reflection. One thing I have recognized is my deep desire for happiness. Not a bad desire! I think most people desire to be truly happy, it’s just where we look for it that can be problematic. I have realized that I have quite high expectations that my relationships will bring me happiness. More specifically, romantic relationships. I’ve heard it said once or twice or you know, one hundred times that hind sight is 20/20. HA! Because it’s true! Obviously now I see how unfair it is to look to other people to bring us happiness. I need to be happy with myself and learn how to have a balanced perspective on life encompassing all it’s highs and lows. And it’s funny, because now that I’m not looking to others to bring me happiness, I’m finding it so much easier to come by. I actually feel happy sometimes for no particular reason.
This year my “resolution” (though I’m nervous to call it that because of the fact that resolutions seem to be forgotten by the time February rolls around…) is to appreciate each moment; each day for what it is and to remember to be thankful for all that I do have, which is so much.