So we’re a month and half into 2014. This is usually the time when the resolutions take a back seat and life gets on as usual. Life has felt weird to me lately; almost foreign in a way. I watched my Grandmother die, saw my Uncle give his heart to Jesus at her bedside, experienced the weirdness of online dating, got my hopes up, had my hopes dashed, got a personal trainer, did an eat clean challenge, fallen in love with working out, and have been planning on moving to Toronto, Ontario with my parents this summer.
It seems that without intentionally trying to, I’ve had a significant shift in my perspective.
Being 33 years old and still single isn’t always easy and at times, definitely not fun. Some days it honestly feels like I’m walking around with a third eye. I run into old friends with their fantastic careers, adorable children and super great husbands and cringe as their eyes immediately dart to my naked left hand. I remember 5 years ago thinking to myself: “5 years from now I’ll for sure be married”, I also remember 5 years prior to that thinking: “In 5 years I’ll totally be married”…. you get the picture. I’m still not married and sometimes it feels really awful.
So I did what any single girl my age would do, joined an online dating site! Okay, not any single girl would do that, but quite a few these days. It’s been interesting thus far to say the least. Just recently I connected with a guy that really intrigued me. We talked back and forth, texted some, talked on the phone and went on a date. Hold that thought, I went on a date, he apparently wanted to meet up with his new pal (Moi) at a bistro sporting an intimate atmosphere with candles at every table. I left feeling like we both had a great time and we both agreed we’d have to get together again. But it came to light that we both had different ideas of what that meant. See, he was concerned that I would get too attached to him and be sad when he moved in the spring, so he thought we could hang out “sometime” before he left. <feel free to insert gaping- wide- mouth-face- of -shock here> Ouch! Thanks for ….. the concern?
Really though, ouch! I was left completely confused due to the very mixed signals he sent prior to our date/non-date. I was quick to attack myself: “You must have said something really lame, you aren’t pretty enough, cool enough, adventurous enough, his last girlfriend enough….etc etc”. I felt rejected and deduced that I must not be “enough” for any man. Yes, it’s a pretty slippery slope and thank God for my best friends who were so quick to form a verbal barricade to keep me from bottoming out. I licked my wounds, smacked myself in the face, took a deep breath and got back up with a little inspiration to boot!
One of the things I really like about this guy is the way he’s following his dreams. In our conversations he made me believe I could do anything I wanted to. He reminded me of what it’s like to live life with passion as well as the fact that life doesn’t have to be mundane. He’s living his dream, well he will be when he moves back to the USA.
I’ve been waiting. And waiting. And waiting for life to get exciting. Somewhere in all this waiting I forgot that it can be exciting right now, not just some fateful day in the distant future. Why not appreciate the things that being single allows me? Why not take risks and live an adventure? I’m not saying that once I settle down and have a family I will return to mundane. I don’t think we should ever lose our sense of adventure and appreciation for the beauty that life is.
So….I’ve got some plans. Some involve things I’ve always wanted to do and some are things that I only just realized that I’d love to do.
They are as follows:
* Study and become fluent in one of the latin based languages
* Do 5 unassisted chin-ups
* Take out my guitar and start singing again
* Find a community of faith
* Get a license to ride a motorcycle (I’ve totally been inspired and have already been studying)
It’s a new year! I have a new perspective! I’m learning what it truly means to love and embrace this precious life we have been given.